It only happens for a brief moment, but I feel as if I’ve opened my eyes into a virtual reality. Everything is as I remember it and my day hasn’t seemed to change in the slightest; but it is as if I am looking through the eyes of another. Then I’m back.
The tingles up my back and arms lets me know that I’m in my own body again. Back looking through my own eyes, nothing seems amiss, though I do feel more comfortable than I had just moments ago.
I flip my hands over in front of my eyes; and yes these are my own hands, chipped nail polish and all.
I read on tumblr once that the feeling of dissociation is a symptom of anxiety. Well I can definitely rule that one out, but that isn’t to say that I haven’t been feeling off lately. All day actually…
Thinking about it, there have been many more moments, small ones, where I’d felt tired and my eyes would glaze over in a lecture. I’d just zone out and continue to look through my own eyes seeing the lecturer doing his/ her thing, blabbing on about some assignment I really should be taking notes on, but I just sit there still as ever, hands frozen over the keys I’d most recently touched. Everything feels wrong. Oh so wrong; but peaceful at the same time.
Once I began to settle into the unsettling feeling I’m back again and suddenly aware of the keys beneath my fingers and the loud buzz of the microphone around the lecturers neck. I check my watch. I’d lost 20 minutes, but I swear it felt like only 5…
These are just some of my many experiences.
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