Because I know you will all relate…
1. “I Can’t Wait To Read This.”
Every time a reader picks up a new book or goes to a book launch, the first thing that comes out of their mouth when talking about the book is this. We are all excited to read the book but we all know that the book will never get read in the near future and in reality we just have nothing else to say about the books because we haven’t read it yet. But really, we are excited to read it or we wouldn’t have bought it!
2. “I Can’t Believe You Haven’t Read this!”
This one is usually accompanied by a shocked face and the internal thoughts of “how could you?” and “why am I still talking to you?”. Sometimes followed up by the reader (if generous and not at all protective) lending out their copy of the novel for the uneducated pleb to read and enjoy, but mostly so the reader has someone to fangirl with.
*Please Note: Fangirl is used as a genderneutral term because, 1. It is, and 2. I don’t know the genderneutral version of Fangirl.
3. “I Have Not Read That One, Yet!”
This is kind of like the first one, but we aren’t really lying to ourselves thinking that we’re going to read the book anytime in the near future, rather just stating a fact and small anticipation. This can be followed up with the first statement on this list if the reader actually wants to read the book.
4. “Will You Come To The Bookstore With Me?”
This question is usually asked of someone who does not frequent bookstores in hopes they will accompany the reader into their natural habitat. The reader just wishes to show their companion where they feel most at home and this action is done as an expression of love.
But beware! Any attempt to take a reader away from a passing bookstore may result in – but not limited to – the following symptoms: violence, fevers, rashes, intense crying, money remaining in their (or your) bank account, incoherent mumbling about their ‘precious’, reference to oneself as Smeagol, and the dreaded silent treatment. If symptoms persist please visit your nearest library as soon as possible.
5. “My TBR Is A Neverending Beast That Will One Day Devour Me Whole.”
Usually said while pilling books into their arms/ stacking them on the counter at a bookstore/ library. Alternatively spoken as they place said new books onto their TBR pile and watch it threaten to fall on them and crush them with the weight of broken promises and unread books.
6. “I Wish I Can Become Immortal So I Can Read All Of My Books.”
But sadly we can’t. Instead, there is the alternative: To become a hermit and live in isolation with only books, tea (or coffee), and a bed. But that doesn’t make you any money to buy more books so we must live our daily lives until one day we stumble upon the lair of a vampire, get bit and realise that it isn’t as different to the life we are already living.
7. “I Want All The Books.”
8. “(Name of Protagonist) Is My Husband/ Wife.”
Because real people are not as perfect as characters. That is until you find your very own Jace Herondale, or whoever you crave as your one true love.
9. “Just One More Chapter.”
And next thing you know it’s 3 am, the words are all black lines and blurry, you’re seeing the characters play out the scene in front of you so you blink and find that your eyes are bleeding and you’ve created a pentagram of blood on your floor. Suddenly there is a daemon in your room rocking you to sleep but you flick and there are only 10 more pages left and YOU MUST FINISH, so you tell the daemon “just one more chapter” and it leaves in a huff. Next thing you know, you’re waking up the next morning late for work and groggy as all hell because you finished the book and it ended in a got-damn cliffhanger!
There you have it! The most relatable sh*t readers say, which is 100% verified truth by myself (a certified reader).
I really hope you enjoyed this fun little post as I had the most fun writing it, but I am going to eat now because it’s hot in here and I’m dizzy af, plus my stomach is screaming at me to feed it. That greedy, hungry monster.
What are some reader things you say that you can add to this list!?
With Love Bree xx